What is in me, to come and seek you God? Why do I come to you, almost every day to you?

Is it to seek Your will? Because Jesus wants us to bring up disciples? Why do I go and read my devotional every day?

I am just trying to comprehend WHY I seek your will.

It is because You game me LIFE. You gave me understanding. You made a way for me to learn how to live life according to your ways. 

I should not live on my own authority. Or understanding. Or reason. For I have tried. I have caused destruction under my own hands, just as people has caused destruction in this world. For You bring LIFE not destruction. You give love, not despair. Though You give and take away, we are in your favor. You strengthen, not weaken. You uplift, not put down... those that are in accord with You.

I seek more of Your will in me and I pray that I recognize Your call, Your instruction, Your words, Your way of handling situations. Amen

David's reflection

What a life David lived. His great reverence in God. I can model myself to him. I need to read more about David to learn how he handled his trials and tribulations. 

The great sufferer. Little David. Disrespected. Dishonored. Great turmoil. Yet he reserved in the strength of God to preserve him.

I went through a great turmoil that is not yet comprehended. I do not know much about him, but, he had his wives taken way and his house burned by the Amalekites. IMAGINE THAT! This happened in a time that the gangs today don't even come close to the amount of turmoil that went on long ago.

Upon reading that David exhausted all of his strength, I too have experienced that. Today, I do not have full range or strength in my arm. It it sore. My back is hurting. I am exhausted. From what? From the pain and suffering of my life, my body has not handled it well.

How do I trust you in my circumstance?

Oh God, how do I trust you in my circumstance. How do I surrender it to You if it keeps going on. How do I live in your presence in my time. I want to avoid the despair, to trust in You that you will judge it accordingly. 

I want no more of it God. Give me wisdom to understand how to deal with damaging situations.

Thank you Lord God for your promises and for being here for me. Amen

Artificial Pain, Prince of the Earth

I feel a heavy burden in me. What am I to do. I have looked to the Lord for His help. I surrendered it. But, it is still there. 

But, I will wait for the Lord to deliver me. Does that mean that I still go through this trial? Do I continue to go through this valley? Because I still feel this burden.

Lord, I know that you will reveal me my answer. So, I will continue to wait for You as I go through this valley.

I only say this because God lifted my burden a while ago, but I have gained a new one. But what does this burden effect? Can I simply 'know' that I have a burden, but would my Lord carry the FULL load for me? Can I, if the Lord allows, to let my feelings not be a cornerstone in me. To let me feelings be beside me and not in me. 

I surrender ALL my thoughts. God will direct my thoughts through the Holy Spirit. He will put words in my mouth at that time. Can I simply be a vessel for Him? To be used by Him? Jesus did. Jesus did the work of God, not under His own authority. But Jesus was born just like us. He did feel pain. Anger. But He used it to benefit the glory of God. He suffered, the same as we do, but even more. Imagine when He went through the valley for 40 days and 40 nights. He SUFFERED on His own and without sin. How did He do it? Who did He rely on? What did He do with His pain?

So, my question is, is it possible to harness the pain- to the effect that it does not succumb us. We need to understand the pain, I think. What do we do with that pain so it does not effect us. I imagined that when a boat gets caught in a storm, that it can do nothing but preserve itself and wait it out. So I am waiting out my pain and suffering, relying on the Lord to carry much of the burden, knowing that this will pass and to know that life does not suck.

Does anybody smell VICTORY? The enemy is set to destroy our relationship with the Lord. Trying to divert our hearts to disgust. If I make it through, I WILL KNOW THAT I CAN RELY ON THE LORD AND THAT THIS PAIN IS JUST ARTIFICIAL! That it is just temporary and it will pass. Can I look the enemy in the eye knowing that, I too, can conquer the Prince of the earth.

We are not of this world and are here only for a short time. 

-Go your ways: behold, I send you forth as lambs among wolves.

^-7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.

-Also I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. ¹⁸ And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory forever and ever. Amen!

A new mission possible

I have prayed in the past asking the Lord to expand my territory. But in the past, I had never owned a territory. I spoke that prayer with accordance with the bible, but without understanding.

I have begun a mission, a new beginning. To set forth a mission to spread the gospel to those whom have not accepted Jesus into their lives.

My mission has begun with my household. To set forth the rules that God has commanded us to abide by. 

People go to college to learn, we send children to school. But, one thing that we do not lay down for people, is the Law. The truth. People get influenced by earthly desires. People become more like those that are around them. The majority of people do not live accordingly and go about their own hearts desires. And that said, it is God's plan for us to live according to His ways, not ours.

I have had my daughter Grace baptized in a dedication that, I, as a parent pledged to raise up Grace in a Christian setting. I will present the Word of God to them and let them read it with their own eyes. I will also provide some guidance in helping them with their relationship with the Lord.

God gives us a little responsibility. When He is assured that we can take care of what He has given us, He will give of more to take care of.

Fasting

Lord, I will fast my gluttonous ways and eat appropriately. I will eat proper portions and not eat by the desires of my heart.

Amen

I am a work in progress

I used to accept that I am who I am and I will never change. Due to the fact that I have tried and tried and tried to be a better person in many ways. I accepted my limits and capabilities for what they were to keep myself from feeling down from failure.

The key words are "USED TO".

Granted, if I didn't look to God's word everyday, I wouldn't have heard Him say that Philippians 1:6 says, "He who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."

So instead of telling people that I am who I am and I have accepted it, I can now say that "I am a work in progress according to God's ways".